the Night Mare

the sky is pink at 11:56 pm, the time i was born. 
the walk from car to door seems to take forever, 
swiftly falling raindrops swirling in the air around me, 
and i let them fall. one lands on  my forehead and rolls down past my eye like a tear;
i bite my tongue hard to ensure that a real one doesn't join it.
the clouds blanketing the sky are nothing compared to the ones darkening my mind, my words are jumbled and slurred.
there's so much distance in my mind between the thoughts i have
and the thoughts i should have, here on the wrong side of the tracks.
even greater the distance between us, 
the space in my embrace like a void where you should be.
i crave your presence like sweet confections and yet it is unfulfilled
time shudders to a slower speed that knows the pain of loneliness
the ache in my chest, usually a fierce pressure, is like a damper on my heartbeats
each one slow and skittering. my body aches, neck burns,
my headaches are frequent. these three days have stretched across eternity and back
and i'm not yet halfway through this hellish wander through my thoughts.
i'll try to sleep but i know my dreams will not bring the promise of salvation
the moon is veiled from my bedroom window and will give no light to my dreams, nightmares, nightshades. that foul demon mare comes through my window and sits on my chest, dulling all light and suffocating my unconscious riddling. 
now. 12:05. eyelids flutter, pop open, flutter again. the shadows of branches on the walls trembling and dancing and playing tricks on my fast fading mind. slowly, i slip into dreaming, reality is left behind with the light. i know not when i drop off, but i feel that the entrance back into this world will be stark and unpleasant.