Let it Out

Sick heat rips through my body at the sight of those words, such

Inconsideration for me. What thought process said this was okay? Never again will

I so freely throw myself into another, for this is always the case.

Sporadic headaches sure to follow, as usual, the embarrassment and pain

So common in this human race yet I feel like the only one. My thoughts rotting

And falling away as soon as I form them, pushing them away as soon as they are called

Into being. I cannot believe the actions I’ve made led me here for at the time, they seemed

Right, they seemed normal. Yet I was wrong. Ive spent all my life trying to find who I’m looking for

And here, I thought, I’ve found him! Life was good and life was sweet for a time, the happiest I’d ever been. Then, like a poison in the bloodstream came she, to wreck and ruin what she’s ruined before, only this time it was me and not some blank face from the past. This is personal, I thought.

This is a deathly cycle that I happen to be caught up in, no way to catch hold on the ground,

No way to jump the boat. I’m in this, and I can win this, thought I, but again, how wrong I was.

I cannot win, ever. My life is destined to take me places I don’t want to go and force me to

Be okay with it, force me to be stronger. The pain is no less with the understanding, but I

Know there is at least a purpose. No less tears, but I know there might at least be a silver lining.

These words they cut through me like nothing else has because you were part of me

Like no one else was. Even if you didn’t know and didn’t feel it too, i’ll keep those shining months in my

Memory as a precious time, and thinking on them will make me sad, yes, but I will remember when I was truly happy.