silver and cold

today is a silver lined day, the cold pressing in on my skin like fabric.
the scarf around my neck pulls tight like a noose and i feel tired,
i turn my eyes to the darkening sky with a sigh and pull my sleeves down
over my dry hands. theres a small tree to my left covered in tinfoil and christmas ornaments, a small pile of dirty snow mingling at its foot.
the wind pulls my hair around my eyes and i shiver awfully,
turning back towards home with the intent of walking faster,
focused only on the dim light in the distance.

Hell yeah for wearing pants and asking out guys. I win! :D

Snowday

the world outside my window is blank, a bright static white. christmas lights twinkle behind my reflection on the frosted panes, and a hand placed on the glass is quickly chilled by the frigid air on the opposite side. somehow the knowledge that i cannot go anywhere makes me more content than ever to do nothing. todays diet was pasta and hot chocolate, interspersed with giant cups of coffee. company consists of family that provides entertainment and bonding. good conversation and copious amounts of smiles are provided by the best friend. today i kept the constant optimism that has just invaded my life by rejecting all acidic thoughts of the past. now the sky has darkened, the backyard visible only by its white blanket of powder reflecting the lights in the windows.

favorite poem ever.

But thou, false Infidel ! shalt writhe

Beneath avenging Monkir's scythe;

And from its torment 'scape alone

To wander round lost Eblis' throne;

And fire unquench'd, unquenchable,

Around, within, thy heart shall dwell;

Nor ear can hear nor tongue can tell

The tortures of that inward hell !

Bur first, on earth as Vampire sent,

Thy corse shall from its tomb be rent:

Then ghastly haunt thy native place,

And suck the blood of all thy race;

There from thy daughter, sister, wife,

At midnight drain the stream of life;

Yet loathe the banquet which perforce

Must feed thy livid living corse:

Thy victims ere they yet expire

Shall know the demon for their sire,

As cursing thee, thou cursing them,

Thy flowers are wither'd on the stem.

But one that for thy crime must fall,

The youngest, most beloved of all,

Shall bless thee with a father's name ---

That word shall wrap thy heart in flame !

Yet must thou end thy task, and mark

Her cheek's last tinge, her eye's last spark,

And the last glassy glance must view

Which freezes o'er its lifeless blue;

Then with unhallow'd hand shalt tear

The tresses of her yellow hair,

Of which in life a lock when shorn,

Affection's fondest pledge was worn,

But now is borne away by thee,

Memorial of thine agony !

Wet with thine own best blood shall drip

Thy gnashing tooth and haggard lip;

Then stalking to thy sullen grave,

Go --- and with gouls and Afrits rave;

Till these in horror shrink away

From spectre more accursed than they !

-excerpt from The Giaour by Lord Byron

Supercool?

i have absolutely no idea what to write about.


well. lets see. today was cool. today has been great actually. it started off on a rather odd foot seeing as i slept for a mere 3 hours in a cramped armchair at taylors. not so comfy, but at least it was warm for once over there. anyways, i got up early and went to my moms to take a shower since taylor does not possess a hair dryer; god knows why, and i was not about to drive to school with wet hair with the threat of snow hanging over my (wet) head. i managed to get coffee at wawa and make it to school only four minutes after nine, even though i had to wait a good five minutes for the hazelnut coffee to brew. the lady who works there was eying me funny, but no matter.
i got to school and got into my wearable art get-up and felt silly. i presented my project and everyone seemed to like it, to my immense surprise. as soon as possible i removed myself from the duct tape fabric contraption i had on and said my goodbyes to my classmates. from there i went to target to attempt to finish getting gifts for everyone on my list, which i failed miserably at due to the severe lack of funds. i hopped next door to ukrops for a giant salad which i thoroughly enjoyed, aside from it getting stuck in my braces a lot. while there, i made plans with my best friend to meet up at barnes and noble for some awesome discussion and general awkwardness on both our parts. the traffic was horrendous, and it took me nearly fifteen minutes to go from one side of midlothian turnpike to the other.
once there, we wandered the bookshelves like lost children and commented on our surroundings. i acquired new stickers for my phone; an R2-D2 and anakin's speeder. we walked aimlessly to one end of the mall before deciding to go to the book exchange, one of my second homes. much good talk was had on the subject of favorite authors and such. after this, we ventured to the fresh market and sampled their coffee, hot chocolate and cider. i mentioned that i was going to a party that evening, and that he should come along. bestfriend really really really wanted to go, but he thinks he's too awkward and was afraid of messing things up, which is a completely irrational thing to be afraid of, considering how awesome bestfriend is. nevertheless, i wasnt going to force anything, so we parted ways. once home i found out that my aunts flight had been canceled and that my grandmother was pretty upset about this. not only that, but it had begun to snow while i cleaned the bathroom, and i was nervous to be out on snowy streets late at night, especially with the increased insanity of holiday shoppers.
thus, i decided to stay home and be cozy with hot chocolate, pj's, and more good conversation with the best friend. =)
... ive run out of stuff to talk about now, seeing as the best friend has now gone offline. i will say though, that this best friend is SUPERCOOL.

acidhouse

I’m in it. The zone in between sleep and hell and wherever it is you go when you’re on drugs.

There are distant streetlamps becoming constellations laid out in front of me. The road is an asteroid belt that I ride slowly..yet surely to my destination, whatever that is. I know I am connected to the ground somehow but I cannot feel it. My solar system dissolves before my watering eyes and the steering wheel loses my grip. Drift… drifting in and ..out

And in…

And in…. a

Nd in…. outand in….

AND I blink and I’m back, the light from the moon .. or sun spinning mercilously above me, creating circles in the inky sky. Not inky, clear. It is daytime. Night time. Afternoon time. My brain is moving in slow revolutions that seem to disconnect as soon as they spin once, popping off and flying into the blue with the rest of me that has left this earth. I feel time as a corporeal thing and I feel it leaving my body. I am detached and I am out.

And out.

And in!

and I’m SO IN, I need to run, I need to shout. But it’s an hour of the morning that I never see and people are shushing me. Instead I roam the apartment, walking around and around to stay with it. I open the door and stumble outside, I sit. I wait. I hear voices and I look for the source but it cant be. They left. I slouch over into the wall and shiver, rocking slowly back and forth to attempt to generate heat. A mostly full beer by the door is now mine and I gulp at it, letting the cold brew calm my throat and my brain. My brain. Oh lord the damage on my brain. I cant handle it I cant… be out.. I can…

…cant be out. I let myself be hugged by a stranger in a too big jacket with a lightening bolt on the back. I watch horrified as he hits his dog, wincing as the dog cowers at his feet but my limbs will not respond to my nagging, their leaden digits twitching feebly before giving up. I need human contact or I will lose it. I grab him, and pull him into the bedroom fiercely. Our eyes lock, not lock… try to grab hold like smoke in the wind, sloshing around in their sockets, wooden orbs in a salty red-tinted sea. We know. He knows it. We fall, in perfect synchronization to the bed, o ur eyes still holding on .. barely holding on and I’m..

IN STILL,

the dull background of ..heartbeats? grinding and pumping like a glitch heavy on the air above us. The air between us is thicker still and scant. Skin and sweat on skin and sweat and face buried in collarbone. We blink together, clutch tighter together, exhale and forget to inhale together but our moments are running out because now we’re OUTAND

INANDOUT

ANDIN

AND WE

breathe and its

Out.

Oh and i basically live off of ramen and pbr. Life is good,

I feel like im wasting my time, but i give my time freely all the same.